Testimony - Touched by God
The year was 2017, I was smart and had good grades in school. Like many of my peers, I desired to get into Med school. Days were often spent studying and doing practice papers for that purpose. I enjoyed the process of striving and doing well but neglected my own health. Hence, when the ‘A’ Level examinations ended, I found myself with a painful shoulder and neck, and a tension headache that would not go away. It was the result of long hours of studying under stress accompanied by poor posture.
Faced with great pain in my neck and shoulder, I decided to go for an acupuncture treatment with electricity. Though my neck and shoulder condition improved, the treatment resulted in sleep deprivation. On some days I only went on two hours of sleep. The electricity overstimulated my brain and drove my mind to confusion; This treatment ultimately resulted in a mental breakdown that sent me to the psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with anxiety, and in the years that followed, also struggled with sleep issues. All this happened as I was about to enter university.
In my first year of university, my life was changed forever when I accepted a friend’s invitation to go to church. There was an inexplicable joy within me when I was there, and it lasted beyond the church service. That kept me going the next few months, and one Sunday, my spirit being so moved, I accepted Christ as the Son of God.
The day after I accepted Christ, what started off as a light mental health condition took a bad turn. I woke up with an odd feeling of fear that I’d never felt before. As the day went on, I worsened and believed I was being persecuted and in danger. At home, I was quite overcome, as if my own spirit was pushed to the back, and something else had taken over my body, leaving me a shell of myself. For about four days, I suffered greatly and my soul was in pain. It was a darkness that I’d never known before. After those four days, soundness returned to my mind, though I was still on medicine for some months.
This darkness came back during seasons of stress, and during seasons I prayed to be faithful to God. I found myself each year having been through a tribulation of some sort. Each time the attacks came, I needed medicine, which made my studies difficult. Though the dosage was light, it impaired my ability to understand the content of my lessons.
After those difficult years, I started to get better in the final semester of university. Having realised that the root cause of suffering was spiritual, I made prayer to renounce idolatry worship which I’d taken part in prior to my conversion. I also made prayer to renounce meditation (for I did it to combat the anxiety I was feeling). These broke the ties I had with the occult, and my condition improved.
At the same time, God worked to heal me of trauma from my childhood and teenage years. He worked in my heart, to truly forgive and let go. He restored my self-esteem that was hurt in school and helped me to see myself as I really was. I received forgiveness from people I knew in the past and was freed from every grudge. Then, I recovered.
Life went back to how it used to be. But of course, never quite the same with God. I followed the Bible and did good to people. I shared the gospel to others because of how it changed my life. Then God touched me in an unexpected way.
When I was a child, life was simple. I have memories of myself as a primary schooler, running to the canteen when the teachers let us go for recess. I have memories of doing homework in the library with my best friend. And there are many memories that have faded away into the past, but I remember the happiness I had. Nonetheless, there was this heaviness I always felt, that I cannot quite describe. Even the happiest of days were covered by this cloud.
One day, years after university, God touched me with a miracle and made me very pure. From that moment, I ceased to feel negative emotions towards others, and my feelings towards them were constantly good. In the book of Jeremiah, it is said that the heart is desperately wicked. It was in the past but is no longer. I loved people as God loved them - there was no more bitterness, prejudice or dislike left in me. God is Light. We can choose to live as lukewarm Christians, walking in the darkness yet professing the faith. Or we can choose to walk in the light with God and live as a true Christian with a clean heart that pleases God (Genesis 6:8).
As I cycle around my neighbourhood today, I feel very light-hearted. Lighter than it ever was in the days of childhood. Life became easy, without the crushing weight of sin. Work no longer as painful, and hardship much less fearful. It was not my own doing, but an earthly reward from God for my deeds over the years (Matthew 6:6, Luke 6:38). I don’t think back to the last decade. I see that my life has just begun and look forward to the next chapter. ~ Author anonymous